Valentine’s Day is a source of fun and romance for most people, while, for some, the holiday is a sad reminder of their failed personal lives. However, a new study shows that this year marked a possible decline in loneliness.
According to 20 florists, in a citywide poll, this year’s Valentine’s Day saw roughly 20% fewer “self-love” deliveries. These are deliveries that people order to have delivered to themselves, usually at work and usually labeled from a “secret admirer”.
“Most years, about 10% of our deliveries are addressed to the people that ordered them. And they have us write various love notes from secret admirers or other people’s names.” Said Jim Brown, owner of Brown Flowers and Gifts. “They always look very surprised when we show up at the office to deliver their order.”
The study reports that 98% of self-love deliveries are women. It also states that 60% of the women order over the phone, pretending to be a man. The other 40% give long, drawn out explanations for how they are doing their male friend a favor by ordering for them.
Local economist and lonely women aficionado, Dr. McKenzie, reports that this might be good news for the economy, “Self-love deliveries spiked these last few years, almost definitely because of the recession.”
“Sadly, for me, there may be fewer lonely women at the bars. We’ll see. I may have to pour on some extra charm this year.” He added, with a wink.
Eleanor Rigber used to purchase self-love deliveries. This year, she didn’t. “Being honest with you, I bought myself a dozen roses from a secret admirer a few years ago. That got the office talking. But I had to keep up the lie. The next year, I gave him a name and bought an even larger bouquet.”
“Last year, I hired a male escort to go with me to the Christmas party. It was just too much. …So we had to break up.”, she teared up. “But the silver lining is that this Valentine’s Day, I didn’t have to spend any money. And I got a lot of sympathy from my coworkers.”
The florists did state that they miss their lonely women’s business. And they’ll do anything just to hear from them again. They’d even give them a complimentary box of chocolates with their order.